No Regrets! Again
OMG I sold the van!
After almost 3 years of life-saving adventures, I woke up one morning knowing it was time to sell the van and move on to the next great thing. I have to laugh because it took me 6 weeks to build out the van into a refuge, the magic van, my home on the road. It took 8 hours to move all my stuff into the room at my dad’s house I have been calling ‘base camp.’ And it took 2 hours to unscrew all the lumber/shelves/bed frame and totally take it apart.
The day I bought the van, the salesman handed me the keys and said, “Are you ok to test-drive this by yourself?” Thank you Francisco!!! The confidence he had in me launched the whole shebang. I approached the vehicle a little cautiously. I have driven pickup trucks and a bookmobile but this seemed big. Huge. More like a semi. I said hello. And a deep, booming voice rang out from the engine. “Phoenix.” Whoa! Ok. Hello, Phoenix!
The van took me on 35,000 miles of adventure. It took me on a journey to magical places, beautiful people, greater understanding of others’ journeys, a greater understanding of my own journey. The most powerful life-changing transformations evolved out of silence and traveling alone. All the chatter in my head about duty and obligation, of shoulds and have-tos and must-nots, is gone. I had the experience not of isolation and smallness but of connection and expansiveness. Living with awe and wonder is truly a beautiful way to be. It leads to delight and joy. And freedom.
When I decided to sell the house in California and hit the road, I did not know exactly where I was going to end up, although returning to New York has always been on my radar screen. I thought maybe I would get a little place in upstate NY, a fixer-upper since I now had all the tools. I think I am done fixing-upping. After 30 years of remodeling the house in California, building the van (I tried to hire someone else but in Autumn 2020 everyone was booked until January 2022) and doing what I can here in Michigan, I think I’m done. No more renovation. My body hurts thinking about it, and the mind numbs.
When I decided to sell the van, it was a bittersweet moment. You know how much I loved that van. It was my happy place. Memories of so many wonderful experiences fill my photo files and mind. The beautiful trip across country with Ruby, and our last few months together. The many trips across the state to visit my friend Jeff. The absolutely amazing 7-week tour out West last fall. And so much more. Having woken up to this decision, I walked up to the van, said hello, and a deep, booming voice rang out from the engine. “Bob.” Whoa! Ok. Hello, Bob! Totally ready to be a work van for which it was designed. Totally ready to be driven by someone else not a little old lady lol. Ready to go. No regrets.
So what’s next? I’m moving to New York City. Slowly, but steadily. It is my happy place. I have friends, family and work there. At the moment it looks like I will either sublet or secure a long-term rental (I’m open to suggestions) while I figure out what neighborhood I want to settle in. Starting in January I plan to be in NY 10 days a month to see clients, and I’ll go back and forth to Michigan to be with my dad. I see as I read my astrology for the next couple of years, I’m not finished with this whiplash way of radically changing directions until 2026. Oh my! I can hardly (or not at all) imagine what is in store. Stay tuned!
